'mca's may shut them up now that their 7 but you will regret it when their in their teens' too right especially when the dipstick behind the counter gives a vegetarian a chicken deli!

today i got home from the usual stress of the school day, it was about 5o'clock and i was summoned downstairs into my darling dining room where there lay a baked potato with the margarine and a mountain of grated cheese and 2 slices of granary bread sliced too 1.25cm's think (i measure it myself). so i sit on my chair at the head of the table manipulate my body into my usual perfect pose with my left ankle perched onto my right knee and persist to make my usual smug arrogant smile. i pick up my ikea cutlery, making delicate incisions through the potatoes cell wall and into the membrane like a surgeon on a patients brain. i dip my knife into the margarine spreading it seductively as it melts into the crevices i dip my handsome hands into the bowl of cheese sprinkling superbly onto the wonderful creation that is my baked potato. i eat it magnificantly using my knife and fork occasionally taking sips of water (i'm sensitive to hot things) to keep my throat and body more lubricated than the lips of any female Larkmead student. after i have finished my main meal it is time for pudding which consists of my favourite cereal 'messiah bricks' because you never know what miracles you could achieve. i do enjoy my messiah bricks however i have never won the holiday to jerusalam and i make the cereal myself. however last nights meal has scared me for life! and i have declared a war so violently bitter there'll be a life insurance company named after it! you see possums I HAVE DECLARED WAR AGAINST MCDONALDS, the worst but somehow biggest food franchise in the world. last night my mother was busy and forgot to feed us so when i came back from bowls i was a bit peckish to say the least so i asked my mother whether she could pick some food up on the way home (I'm not allowed to cook after my previous calamities and burning of everything within a metre of the oven) so it was the only solution.

 unfortunately my mother brang me back a mcdonalds so already unhappy i caress open the wrappers to find a deli sandwich (i normally have a vegi deli from that blasphemous religious friendly place) so i pick up the sandwich take a sniff (as that's what aspergics do) and ask my mum whether they've changed it as it smelt a bit like chicken. my mum replies it's fine i look at the wrapper spicy vegi deli, so i take a bite. my teeth go through the bread into the paty my face twists and turns in anguish and horror as my teeth rip through the meat that has adopted my spicy vegi deli. my face turns green as i spit out the battery farmed meat and bread followed by flumes of vomit (why i'm vegetarian in the first place because meat does that too me) and i scream at my mum it's bloody chicken are you trying to kill me again don't you think the previous 6 attempts have scarred me enough (dropped in the Aylesbury Canal, hands shut in the boot, trying to run me over, spraying bleach in my eye, getting my brother to push me into a ditch, taking me on holiday to Turkey) my my mother curses, my grandfather sighs, my grandmother whinces in pain from her arthritic joints. well if you had come home at 6 like you said you were going too' my mother whines. 'well i can't help the poor bugger that had heart problems half way through can I' i respond. there's a pause in the argument for laughter as my mother realises just what her son has become a unpaid carer for the elderly which i have in some ways but it doesen't really bother me i know that will change in 10 years time when i make it compulsory to play bowls if your under 30 during my democratic dictatorship of this country. my grandmother has finally managed to relieve her contact with the sofa and others to make me an omellette an offer i gladly accept.

however this is me this happened to I am JPJ Sanders a man who possesses morals and principals who holds grudges so strong he refuses to look his business studies teacher in the eyes. as Mcdonalds are so stupid that they put the wrong product in the right package i believe there is only 1 solution we all join hands and sing songs infront of mcdonalds and insult Ronald Mcdonald for being in competition with my grandad Colonel Sanders. as well as standing at the door handing out deterrants and go in there with megaphones letting me shout at the bloody numpty that put the wrong thing in the right bag. alternatively and i've already done this write a complaint after that copy and pasting the same complaint under names like Toby Downes, Leo Hopkins, Robin 'my dad's a catholic priest' Butt, Calum Uncle Bryn Meredith, 'H' the agent of the estate but not from steps and other names of my associates. this is a war that will be won this is not the first time it has happened the reasons are simple: too many people who lack elocution as well as manners infest that strange smelling unsanitory unedible food franchise: there are too many regulars which is causing obesity which has a negative impact on my future supporters; the staff at Mcdonalds are either uneducated and shouldn't be allowed outside of the decrepid council houses. or foreign with a decent work ethic just lacking the people skills as well as speaking the correct dialect for the country they are now in. so either Mcdonalds get a grip of their human resource department and install a criteria for their workers or they shall lose all their custom worldwide the moment i get any amount of power and control in this woeful world which we currently live in. So Mcdonalds this war is not over and Tim a bluee (ginger) who plays the piano and sings humourous songs about inflatable rumpy bumpy dolls is on my side. as high school musical said we're all in this together this war will be won by many and I can't do it on my own. MCDONALDS YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S COMING FOR YOU (i don't yet either but that's beside the point) THERE'LL BE ONE WINNER. ME!