as a male aged 16 it is compulsory for me to drag my body with 900 newtons of gravity acting upon it out of my bed at 7 o'clock each morning into the shower by 7.03, heave it out from underneath the messaging jets of water at 7.07, wrap my body in a blue towel (for some reason in the Sanders/Hobbs household we only have blue towels) giving me my body the hubba dubba morning rub, a scottish technique that's been passed down from generation to generation in order to wake up, get dry and prepare for the sanity sapping day ahead. after that 2 minutes of minty marvell (i do enjoy brushing my teeth). now for the grand finale i displace the aerosol guns from their holsters and shoot their contents over the upper part of my body while striking the pose from the lynx advert in the mirror making me feel both irrisistible and gorgeous (it's a good job i don't take myself to seriously as you would have learnt from my past work in flapjack and why men are so confusing JPJ Sanders sticking up for the male race). once i've finished 'putting my face on' i get dressed into my gleaming black trousers, undo the top 2 buttons on my freshly pressed designer George school shirt before placing it over my head and tucking it into my trousers; wrap wonderfully my tie around my neck caressing it into a knot stroking it till it reaches my naval and beyond. now for breakfast the same thing i have everyday hazelnut chocolate spread on my toasted for 2.19 minutes toast. once eaten it's time to make my lunch the same lunch I've been making since i was 5, a cheese sandwich, a packet of walkers salt and vinegar crisps and a cereal bar of some sort (us aspergics like to eliminate the days variables).
so once the morning duties are concluded it's time to mount my steed for 2.38 mile ride to school. i arrive at school put my bike on the second row in the 6th column moving any other thing that is there somewhere else. i stride into the hall where i greet my close associates: 'H' the estate agent, Calum Bryn Meredith (who's parents spelt his name wrong), Mr Patel (the half Indian computers expert), Mr Rexter (the inbred from Swindon who somehow mutated back to normal), the Berinsfield Benders and the Marcham Massive. now comes the first of ten daily rants (why I've started to write this blog) today's was about the bus driver who got me plastered in mud due to his poor sense of common decency.
now let the battle commence, i enjoy school because i like to possess knowledge which i can use to enforce my hunger for power, as well as to manipulate people into believing the correct things which is of course what i believe in. i believe in my omnipotent, omnibenevelont opinion (yes i do use that in essays) that ruffians should be taken care of in an appropriate manner which is of course having them smacked round the head or having some sort of mental or physical pain inflicted on them, 'if it worked during the last great depression it will work on the youth of today during this one' my good friend Arthur announced to me when it wasn't our turn to bowl yesterday. see the problem is, is that the jungen leute (young people) of today are not shown the level of discipline they should by either there parents: who are most likely the same as their peasant of a child (a ruffian is born a ruffian because they've been a ruffian for generations); or the education authority who in my experience have failed to make it in their chosen career (biologist for example) as a result feel that they are still of an adequate quality in their profession to teach it to people who should value their wisdom. however we don't because like i said they've failed, they are the lowest part of their proffesions pyramid who waste their time and efforts on the people who are the next breed of drug fuelled, wife bashing, gambling, nicorette addicted, alcohol dependent, unprotected rumpy bumpiers, sti causers, uneducated, gay gilet wearers, nothing better to do than play solos on their didgeridoos while watching internet rumpy bumpy players, rock and bass listeners, benefit cheating, unmotivated, unambitious, hyena like laughers, hamster like runners, unprepared for lessons, time wasting, profile picture liker, non sensical lyric writing, un disciplined, no common sense, unemployable, god's cock ups, bmx riding, nappy wearing, premiership football team fan, litter throwers, animal like behaving, blackberry owner, micky taker, homophobic, illiterate, stupid hair styled, working class, contempt with council house living, government scroungers, racist, xbox playing, disilhusioned, oblivious to their downfall, dangerous moto cross riders, inconsiderate, glory supporting, lack of work ethic, all conclusive holiday goers, debt ridden monkeys, pub brawlers, intolerant of foreign work ethic, aussie abusing low life big society ruiners and last but no means least make other peoples lives harder through their unfocused uninterested small excuse for a brain.
this war will never be won unless we do something about it we need to stand up to the ruffian ridden peasants pull their trousers up, pull their ties down, ring their mothers, strike, lock them in cupboards, deport them to gain respect for their foreign counterparts and bash some sense into them. although it's people like these who somehow end up employed mainly by their fathers (sometimes it's the mothers at fault) who then off loads them onto another firm where they take oppurtunities away from people who deserve them because they've used their initiative and worked hard to gain the qualifications to do the job the ruffian has taken from them who rather than does the job properly couldn't give a damn about the consequences of their actions (or lack of).
in my mind that is wrong people should get what they deserve in life and be allowed to do jobs that they are qualified to do not be at home looking accross the road at some low life society ruiner just sitting on the scaffolding while his dad builds the extension they've been paid to complete. although occasionally they do something but with the wrong attitude and take the wrong approach to doing it. they think that they're right, that dad was always going to give him a job no matter who's learning they ruined who's potential they squashed like the cans they throw at the lower years! they are not aware of how hard their life could have been or how much better they could make theirs. however they never will because they are standing there next to a wheel barrow of bricks moaning about the time he had to spend at school which he did not use to his benefit or make the most of the recources at his disposal because he never needed educating as long as he knows how to put a wall up in a way that it looks like a wall (although it will blow over as soon as a gust of wind batters it) and charge a stupid amount of money for his services. but see this person thinks he's so clever that he didn't need educating, doesen't even realise that the £5 an hour he's being paid to put another brick into the poorly built wall is actually below the minimum wage while i'm sitting in one of my many offices around the world or sitting in the south stand upper as chairman of Oxford United we'll see who's laughing then, me looking at you in the cheap seats of the south stand lower or you looking at me downing champagne with my butler and public announcer being addressed as Sir Jordan Sanders. so if we want to put an end to this sort of person stealing oppurtunities we need to enforce discipline otherwise my countries defences shall collapse as soon as the winter winds pick up because they were built by a uneducated ignorant arrogant ruffianish peasant who can't even put another brick in the wall. so Pink Floyd i think i've just proved you wrong!
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