'I hear them saying tomorrows just another day' sang Madness, JPJ Sanders replied with 'and i say give it your best shot because it gets better everyday'

the moment i uttered the 6 words that will stay with me the rest of my life i can most certainly say was one of the best i've ever had. not only did make me and Lord Gable laugh like we were back in primary school but it also made my 6th form the most memorable Miss Dering has ever had the pleasure of being in. it is quite apparent that I am not just one in a million but one in 7 billion there has never been someone quite as unique as me before and there never will be (apart from my only son Bruce JPJ Sanders The One and Only apart from his father Sir Lord JPJ Sanders) this same philosophy applies to us all. will there ever be someone so protective of their chickens again like Mr Greenwood, someone as nervous about public speaking as Lord Gable. someone so absent minded when it comes to gossip as Lord Allen, or someone as insecure as Mr Leaver. No there definitely won't that's why when the great influential man of the 1st Century Brian stood naked on his balcony after having rumpy bumpy with a women and preached to his followers (not twitter followers) 'You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!' this is a phrase that applies to peoples behavior around exam time. being the charismatic conservative that i am i often have my own set of liberal democrat followers asking what sort of revision i'm doing, like my mate Dave i too have called them all Nick, you have Nickolas Wilkinson, Nickolas Meredith, Nickolas Patel, Nickolas Jones, Nickolas Absolom and lots of other people who's actual first names aren't Nick. you see the thing is, is that when your revising at school it is important to do exactly the same things that you would do at home, for example i took my shoes off and listened to pink floyd through my big 1990's headphones because being aspergic and having the perfect male brain i have to feel comfortable in order to revise at my best. so anyway these are my tips on how to revise at school during the first week of what i call 'the 5 days to intellectually conquer the immediate world'.

1. use the same paper that you would revise on at home. i have 'The Pad of Logic by JPJ Sanders the commencing of the journey' which will be available for purchase June 28th 2012. 2. ignore everyone around you, i aid this process by sending an email to my peers stating that when you can't hear me offending/insulting/being truthful/stating my opinions do not disturb me. 3. hum to the music you are listening to, that way you ruin everyone else's revision lowering their grades but improving yours if like me you can multi task better than most women (especially as i am currently singing to queen and typing at the same time whilst fighting the urge to stop my grandmothers snoring by using a pillow as a sedative) 4. write 'I am the best' at the top of every page you use intimidating those around you as they are aware that you have a high degree of confidence in your ability as an intellectual individual. 5. use an orange felt tip pen, or the foundation from a female year 11's cheeks to revise with as it's a great colour and looks really vibrant against beige paper and gorgeous green bowling greens. 6. check social networking sites every 20 minutes that way you maintain a social life as well as becoming one of the great marvellous minds of the 21st century 7. listen to one vision by queen this will help you define your goals so at the end of the '10 days to intellectually interest the world of teaching with our many mighty wonderful words emblazoned elegantly across perfectly folded pages. 8. remember it's not about hitting your Family Fisher Trust predicted grade it's about showing the world how brilliant you are destroying your peers making them look inferior to you. 9. don't kill the Northerner that keeps sniffing and distracting you from your science coursework it creates health and safety issues for the years below. 10. if you say your the BEST, you believe you are the BEST, you will do the BEST revision, you will give the exam your BEST shot, causing you to achieve the BEST grade in the year. follow my tips and interpreting those your teachers give you as alternatives to mine and you will revise knowing that you tried hard, you'll think you did your best, a feeling you'll have again and again throughout your life after all who needs rest, my mother once said closing my door that i can't carry on no more but i proved her wrong, all you'll hear me saying is that tomorrows just another day with a few added extras thrown in to keep the routine interesting and test your ability to adapt to the challenging change, because as you hear me say life can only get better everyday because at the end of the day tomorrows just another day. just another day when you will fill your brain with the required knowledge reading the JPJ Sanders War On Everything to gather the inspiration and motivation you require. you've listened long to your teachers be confident that you've taken it in, once you've taken in these facts go for a swim. is it down, down, down or up, up, up only you can decide but by reading this you're definitely up, up, up. you want need that moment to reflect on the friendships you've wrecked because your all in this together. Exams are wars between you and the exam. the winner of the war is the one who avoids being shredded in early September, and we all know who that is going to be! YOU!

'9 to 5 what a way to make a living' said the poundland workers who definitely did not revise 7 to 9'

recently i have been feeling a bit down, which for someone who has the surname Sanders is quite unusual. i realised that there was something missing from my lovely life, was it a female companion? No, was it a new ambition? No, i've started writing another book. was it a full length mirror in the bedroom of my second home? yes, so i purchased one from ikea and now i can look at my beautiful body last thing at night and first thing in the morning without being of inconvenience to the rest of my family members. although this only satisfied my longing for completion for 5 days, so i compared myself with my peers coming to the conclusion that i needed to be more diverse with my xbox playing. like i mentioned before i'm one of the biggest formula 1 fans in the world so i mostly play on f1 2011 to the point that i was the best in the world for about an hour in October. so i started playing the only football (soccer) game i possess. Pro Evolution Soccer 2009, i thought that if i played an hour everyday i would improve. after losing 2-0 to Peru on beginner whilst playing as Australia: i realised one thing, what an absolute waste of time i would rather play proper football when i run around like a kangaroo on fire occasionally tackling (running into them whilst attempting to get their legs) someone. dwelling on my thoughts i wondered what people could be doing instead of playing that ridiculously difficult game and in the end the wise head on my young succulent shoulders thought of REVISION. REVISION is quite relevant at the moment for the year 10's who are all looking a bit worried about it, so as i realised this morning that giving advice would suffice my longing for completion and the terrific year 10's were looking worried, i thought I would give my advice on revision.

all of you year 10's would have received a booklet about how to revise. Ignore it! revision is a personal thing, it's like musical taste i like Pink Floyd and revise by writing notes out in my own words in my trusty ball point while other people listen to popular music and do mind maps. for those of you who do business studies, it goes A,B,A,A,C,D,mindmap,10000, 800, B, A,D,D and make sure you take no notice of Fezza's exam technique talk apart from reading all the questions before starting. for those of you doing sports studies remember to read the revision material and think of the sports you've played. feel free to touch yourself because i found that worked for identifying the muscle that pulls my leg up during a pedal stroke. also check the back page there's a 6 mark question on the back about health, don't do what nearly the entire of my year did and think you weren't supposed to answer it. so now i will give you my top 10 revision/exam tips. 1. write a blog about things that annoy you in a controversial conservative manner 2. listen to music through headphones, or wear headphones without music playing through as it will help create this world where you are intellectually superior to everyone else on the planet. 3. eat biscuits, drink milk 4. grow your hair so that you look like a caveman 5. go completely mad so that remembering your own name is an effort 6. YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON EVER TO SIT THAT EXAM 7. March into the exam with your chest puffed out breathing through your nose looking perfectly powerful 8. designate an exam pen and use it throughout every exam you do 9. warm up and stretch, you don't want to pull a muscle during the exam (i pulled a neck muscle during my geography exam) and participate in any physical activity provided. 10. Motivate yourself be arrogant. YOU ARE THE BEST! have confidence in your ability (or photographic memory in my case) if you lack motivation to be brilliant come and speak to JPJ i can be compassionate and helpful because i've done it all before.

if you follow those tips you are on the right track to almost being as good as me and may earn enough money to have a nice yellow bike with electronic gearing and a bottle holder that's one size fits no bottles in at all. so come the two weeks when you have your mock exams you'll tumble out of your single bed, stumble into the kitchen (if your weird and don't go to the bathroom) pour yourself a cup of ambition to be the best, yawn, stretch, come to life; today is an opportunity to show the world your brilliance. jump into the shower and the blood should start pumping round, as you try and recall the topics you revised the night before. out on the streets the traffic starts jumping and you just breeze along on the steed you call a bicycle, this is when the exam out of body experience starts as you suddenly lose all concept of time and drift through the day present in body, absent in mind as teachers become fishlike with their mouths moving up and down with no logical sound coming out. and folks that didn't revise from 7pm to 9pm go to work from 9AM to 5PM. because working 9 to 5 is some way to make a living supposedly barely getting by as due to the conservative government there is more taking than giving, after all conservatives only want your mind, and for some reason people think they deserve credit for it. apparently it's enough to drive Dolly Parton crazy. you see possums working 9AM to 5PM isn't the lifestyle that I, the Government, your parents have planned, however the alternative lifestyle of working in a nice office with people of similar intellectual capabilities doing a job you've always dreamed of making a distinct contribution to society that my mates Dave and Boris will certainly give you credit for. work hard and you'll achieve your dreams, play on PES 09 and you will forever be a loser working 9 to 5 because you spent your valuable time being good at someting virtual rather than revising in reality. it's like i say 'to be JPJ Sanders who is the best, you have to act like JPJ Sanders and be the best' and JPJ Sanders works hard, plays bowls on a thursday night harder!