'But i would walk 500 miles' said the proclaimers. JPJ Sanders replied with 'Hurry up i've got to walk 500 more after this'

every day we are exposed to it, every step we take, every move we make we are exposed to it. they come in all sorts of samatotypes, some are ectomorphs, some endomorphs and others mesamorphes. they are as Brian would say 'individuals who do not need to follow me' people who have succumbed to a gourmless trend becoming sheep like. this is something that affects us all Northern, Eastern, Western and us superb southerners. everyone will find it annoying at some point, even those like Mr keelan who are influenced by other peoples actions such as giggling because someone has started sing the wrong hymn loudly and out of tune, this is a topic that causes arguments, hinderance and the potential imprint of someones shoe onto a part of their body. it's a form of transport used constantly apart from those among us who have alternative methods, therefore you would hope people would be able to do it efficiently although there are those among us who cannot; as a result i JPJ Sanders declare war against people who walk to slowly.

i cannot believe that there are not more cases of people being murdered/assaulted for walking to slow not only does it make it acceptable to dordle from place to place it affects people education, creates annoyance, prevents people from going to where they need to go, its stereotype creating, gcse affecting, occupation affecting, life threatening, blood boiling, criminal record producing, economy affecting, under taker booming, shoe sole wearing, a health and safety hazard, a trend set by people who need to pull their trousers up, behaviour you'd expect from the lowest of the low who throw sweets at me at break time (i would eat them and enjoy them if i was you when your homeless and benefit less you won't be getting any more; you'll get your hands cut off if your caught stealing!), misery causing, illness inducing, attention absorbing and worst of all destroys potential creativity and economic productivity that could have been made if people had only got to their jobs faster been able to have learnt those last few balanced equations that would have got them that pass in science enabling them to progress into further education to make a real positive difference to society that could prevent the world from famine and other horrendous ordeals. i do not see why people feel the need to walk so slowly there is no point in dordling to where you need to be because you either end up doing the work you put off by arriving late in the form of overtime or homework. so troops we either need to put them on our six week training programs which sports studies students such as Mr Mills Mcgowan, Miss Turner, Mr Downes and Mr Mullord which will have them bounding down the corridors or we need to get a law put in place!

see the thing is troops when i wake up well i know i'm going to be the man who wakes up and sorts the slow walking problem out. also i know that i'm going to be that man who goes along with you my fellow heroes of this battle most definitely not stopping to get intoxicated with you. i will not be havering but shouting inspirational messages of support through a megaphone as you kick those slow walkers along creating shockwaves of energy as their marvellous mass graces the floor stepping over them like road kill, because in order to win this battle we will need to walk 500 miles possibly even 500 more falling down at the door of our homes after our giant trip. we will have to work hard, however i don't think we will earn anything from it in the short term although we will be able to get to places faster work for longer achieve more earn more have more free time doing things of sentimental value. we'll grow old happy next to those who mean things to us not reflecting on the time wasted walking slowly behind overweight people who cannot wobble faster for fear of causing a major obstruction to our daily lives by falling over and have to be crane lifted back onto their swelled feet. i sincerely doubt that we will be lonely as i will continue to declare war against things that i as well as other conservatives find annoying. we can all dream of a day when people are electrocuted for not walking quick enough which will provide entertainment in addition to a constructive purpose for the economy and the health of this intersting island. when we go home with who ever you go home with you will not be held up giving you a longer period to produce uterus urchins through the method of rumpy bumpy.we will walk the streets able to walk at a steady speed humming da da da(da da da)da da da (da da da)Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da but first we must be the army who walked a thousand miles to allow people accross the rest of the world to walk without obstruction winning the war on slow walkers. so no more excuse me's tell them what a disaster to mankind they are and show them how they should walk, we will win this battle against them. after all we're already faster and fitter as long as they don't all fall over we'll be fine.

Contemplation...

just another manic FRIDAY.......

'lyin' in a den in Bombay with a slackjaw and not much to say' sang Colin Hay, JPJ Sanders replied with 'Yes the usual effect modern comedy has on the common simpleton'

on this planet called Earth which is the 3rd rock from the sun there are nearly 7 billion people inhabiting the 2 hemispheres, 7 continents and 268 countries which makes up Earth therefore you would expect there to at least be someone with a good taste in humour able to make me applaud there humourous performance with the show of affection called a giggle. last friday when i realised that for some reason my computer would not allow me to pledge war against a group of people who annoy me i decided i'd watch television. as i scrolled through the guide i came accross a program called Russel Howards good news i thought well that should cheer me up (i was unhappy due to my grandmother being admitted back to her second home of Littlemore mental hospital and my blog not working) so i turned it on. 2 minutes later i was perplexed as to what was causing the audience humour i don't find a clip of a dog making funny noises or someones meerkat being stolen from their garden it fills me with rage. again today watching some of the royal variety show supposedly telling a story how you broke your mates mums back door in isn't funny it's confessing to criminal damage (i think that's what it means) or how your toes work that's disgusting not funny. i'm all for people like Jack Dee who goes off on a rant because that way you know how he feels about things and you can see that he believes what he's saying, however Jack Dee is a bit older than some comedians which means that he has grown up with people that were funny like the Pythons and the two Ronnies. so tonight i pledge a war against modern comedy!

comedians used to be people who did stupid things like run classes on how to defend yourself from a man weilding a peice of fruit who would shoot you as you tried to attack him with the fruit not people who are intimidating, promote themselves through creating controversy, bigoted, disilhusioned, ignorant to the real world, rude to those who suffer the negatives of the world, untalented, education wasters, lazy who have a lazy eyed, lack a appropriate sense of humour, mystified by normal behaviour, too much information giving, rumpy bumpy obsessed, wrongly opinionated, politically uneducated and worst of all think they are too important to care for the feelings of those they target humour at. i think it is dispicable the way they behave, my good friend Dr Rev Palmer is outraged by Monty Python stating that it is blasphemous against the Gross Oderous Devil (G_D) therefore would support my war against modern comedy most definitely. so how do we fight this war, we fight this war through our own personal restraint to avoid watching this inexcusable entertainment if tv editors won't stop this i will.

this war is one that has needed to be fought against since health and safety ruined slapstick comedy. comedians no longer travel around in fried out combies on hippie trails they go by plane and pollute the skies. if they meet a strange lady they don't get nervous they get a trouser lump thinking about the pleasure the lady could give them, people don't give each other breakfast anymore as thats what cereal bars were invented for. people now don't come from a land down under, we go to it (unless you are like me and go to the land down under and back again twice); women don't have natural glows they get spray tanned or do it themselves giving them orange legs: men plunder no more for fear of being charged with rumpy bumpy harrassment so those comedians better run and take cover my army is ready to go to battle Mr T is in his tank loaded with snickers, i'm on a tandem with Mr Clarkson megaphones as load as health and safety allow. if those comedians do not change their ways they will end up like Warwick Davies from lifes too short lonely, depressed, owing the conservative coalition money resulting in almost certain death by being eaten by a tiger who will not only eat the person but eat the fruit they were about to throw at someone in attempt to humour the masses. this is a war that will be ongoing as when society changes comedy changes as well, it's similiar to Oxford United everytime a new striker is signed we start winning. people say to me on social networking sites 'JPJ your so funny' 'JPJ i hope we stay in touch your a great person' does it change who i am no! so why should comedians keep pushing the boundaries between crudeness and humour. coming from the land of plenty and having vegemite sandwiches thrown at them will be the least of their worries as my army torture them with their own performances over and over again. these people deserve their commupances and me and my army are the people to give it too them!