'lyin' in a den in Bombay with a slackjaw and not much to say' sang Colin Hay, JPJ Sanders replied with 'Yes the usual effect modern comedy has on the common simpleton'

on this planet called Earth which is the 3rd rock from the sun there are nearly 7 billion people inhabiting the 2 hemispheres, 7 continents and 268 countries which makes up Earth therefore you would expect there to at least be someone with a good taste in humour able to make me applaud there humourous performance with the show of affection called a giggle. last friday when i realised that for some reason my computer would not allow me to pledge war against a group of people who annoy me i decided i'd watch television. as i scrolled through the guide i came accross a program called Russel Howards good news i thought well that should cheer me up (i was unhappy due to my grandmother being admitted back to her second home of Littlemore mental hospital and my blog not working) so i turned it on. 2 minutes later i was perplexed as to what was causing the audience humour i don't find a clip of a dog making funny noises or someones meerkat being stolen from their garden it fills me with rage. again today watching some of the royal variety show supposedly telling a story how you broke your mates mums back door in isn't funny it's confessing to criminal damage (i think that's what it means) or how your toes work that's disgusting not funny. i'm all for people like Jack Dee who goes off on a rant because that way you know how he feels about things and you can see that he believes what he's saying, however Jack Dee is a bit older than some comedians which means that he has grown up with people that were funny like the Pythons and the two Ronnies. so tonight i pledge a war against modern comedy!

comedians used to be people who did stupid things like run classes on how to defend yourself from a man weilding a peice of fruit who would shoot you as you tried to attack him with the fruit not people who are intimidating, promote themselves through creating controversy, bigoted, disilhusioned, ignorant to the real world, rude to those who suffer the negatives of the world, untalented, education wasters, lazy who have a lazy eyed, lack a appropriate sense of humour, mystified by normal behaviour, too much information giving, rumpy bumpy obsessed, wrongly opinionated, politically uneducated and worst of all think they are too important to care for the feelings of those they target humour at. i think it is dispicable the way they behave, my good friend Dr Rev Palmer is outraged by Monty Python stating that it is blasphemous against the Gross Oderous Devil (G_D) therefore would support my war against modern comedy most definitely. so how do we fight this war, we fight this war through our own personal restraint to avoid watching this inexcusable entertainment if tv editors won't stop this i will.

this war is one that has needed to be fought against since health and safety ruined slapstick comedy. comedians no longer travel around in fried out combies on hippie trails they go by plane and pollute the skies. if they meet a strange lady they don't get nervous they get a trouser lump thinking about the pleasure the lady could give them, people don't give each other breakfast anymore as thats what cereal bars were invented for. people now don't come from a land down under, we go to it (unless you are like me and go to the land down under and back again twice); women don't have natural glows they get spray tanned or do it themselves giving them orange legs: men plunder no more for fear of being charged with rumpy bumpy harrassment so those comedians better run and take cover my army is ready to go to battle Mr T is in his tank loaded with snickers, i'm on a tandem with Mr Clarkson megaphones as load as health and safety allow. if those comedians do not change their ways they will end up like Warwick Davies from lifes too short lonely, depressed, owing the conservative coalition money resulting in almost certain death by being eaten by a tiger who will not only eat the person but eat the fruit they were about to throw at someone in attempt to humour the masses. this is a war that will be ongoing as when society changes comedy changes as well, it's similiar to Oxford United everytime a new striker is signed we start winning. people say to me on social networking sites 'JPJ your so funny' 'JPJ i hope we stay in touch your a great person' does it change who i am no! so why should comedians keep pushing the boundaries between crudeness and humour. coming from the land of plenty and having vegemite sandwiches thrown at them will be the least of their worries as my army torture them with their own performances over and over again. these people deserve their commupances and me and my army are the people to give it too them!