'9 to 5 what a way to make a living' said the poundland workers who definitely did not revise 7 to 9'

recently i have been feeling a bit down, which for someone who has the surname Sanders is quite unusual. i realised that there was something missing from my lovely life, was it a female companion? No, was it a new ambition? No, i've started writing another book. was it a full length mirror in the bedroom of my second home? yes, so i purchased one from ikea and now i can look at my beautiful body last thing at night and first thing in the morning without being of inconvenience to the rest of my family members. although this only satisfied my longing for completion for 5 days, so i compared myself with my peers coming to the conclusion that i needed to be more diverse with my xbox playing. like i mentioned before i'm one of the biggest formula 1 fans in the world so i mostly play on f1 2011 to the point that i was the best in the world for about an hour in October. so i started playing the only football (soccer) game i possess. Pro Evolution Soccer 2009, i thought that if i played an hour everyday i would improve. after losing 2-0 to Peru on beginner whilst playing as Australia: i realised one thing, what an absolute waste of time i would rather play proper football when i run around like a kangaroo on fire occasionally tackling (running into them whilst attempting to get their legs) someone. dwelling on my thoughts i wondered what people could be doing instead of playing that ridiculously difficult game and in the end the wise head on my young succulent shoulders thought of REVISION. REVISION is quite relevant at the moment for the year 10's who are all looking a bit worried about it, so as i realised this morning that giving advice would suffice my longing for completion and the terrific year 10's were looking worried, i thought I would give my advice on revision.

all of you year 10's would have received a booklet about how to revise. Ignore it! revision is a personal thing, it's like musical taste i like Pink Floyd and revise by writing notes out in my own words in my trusty ball point while other people listen to popular music and do mind maps. for those of you who do business studies, it goes A,B,A,A,C,D,mindmap,10000, 800, B, A,D,D and make sure you take no notice of Fezza's exam technique talk apart from reading all the questions before starting. for those of you doing sports studies remember to read the revision material and think of the sports you've played. feel free to touch yourself because i found that worked for identifying the muscle that pulls my leg up during a pedal stroke. also check the back page there's a 6 mark question on the back about health, don't do what nearly the entire of my year did and think you weren't supposed to answer it. so now i will give you my top 10 revision/exam tips. 1. write a blog about things that annoy you in a controversial conservative manner 2. listen to music through headphones, or wear headphones without music playing through as it will help create this world where you are intellectually superior to everyone else on the planet. 3. eat biscuits, drink milk 4. grow your hair so that you look like a caveman 5. go completely mad so that remembering your own name is an effort 6. YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON EVER TO SIT THAT EXAM 7. March into the exam with your chest puffed out breathing through your nose looking perfectly powerful 8. designate an exam pen and use it throughout every exam you do 9. warm up and stretch, you don't want to pull a muscle during the exam (i pulled a neck muscle during my geography exam) and participate in any physical activity provided. 10. Motivate yourself be arrogant. YOU ARE THE BEST! have confidence in your ability (or photographic memory in my case) if you lack motivation to be brilliant come and speak to JPJ i can be compassionate and helpful because i've done it all before.

if you follow those tips you are on the right track to almost being as good as me and may earn enough money to have a nice yellow bike with electronic gearing and a bottle holder that's one size fits no bottles in at all. so come the two weeks when you have your mock exams you'll tumble out of your single bed, stumble into the kitchen (if your weird and don't go to the bathroom) pour yourself a cup of ambition to be the best, yawn, stretch, come to life; today is an opportunity to show the world your brilliance. jump into the shower and the blood should start pumping round, as you try and recall the topics you revised the night before. out on the streets the traffic starts jumping and you just breeze along on the steed you call a bicycle, this is when the exam out of body experience starts as you suddenly lose all concept of time and drift through the day present in body, absent in mind as teachers become fishlike with their mouths moving up and down with no logical sound coming out. and folks that didn't revise from 7pm to 9pm go to work from 9AM to 5PM. because working 9 to 5 is some way to make a living supposedly barely getting by as due to the conservative government there is more taking than giving, after all conservatives only want your mind, and for some reason people think they deserve credit for it. apparently it's enough to drive Dolly Parton crazy. you see possums working 9AM to 5PM isn't the lifestyle that I, the Government, your parents have planned, however the alternative lifestyle of working in a nice office with people of similar intellectual capabilities doing a job you've always dreamed of making a distinct contribution to society that my mates Dave and Boris will certainly give you credit for. work hard and you'll achieve your dreams, play on PES 09 and you will forever be a loser working 9 to 5 because you spent your valuable time being good at someting virtual rather than revising in reality. it's like i say 'to be JPJ Sanders who is the best, you have to act like JPJ Sanders and be the best' and JPJ Sanders works hard, plays bowls on a thursday night harder!