'i've wasted all my tears, wasted all those years' sang Simply Red, JPJ Sanders replied with 'there's no such thing as waste, as you should have learned from it'

being the honest, abrupt, straight talking person that i am and admit somethings to you all. i feel that i am making up for lost time when it comes to social endeavors like i mentioned in a earlier blog i had gone nearly 4 years without going to a party now I've been to two more parties each differing in terms of activities on offer i regret not being as outgoing when i started secondary school. i spent the first 2 and a half years of my secondary school experience not being myself; trying to impress people with my absent talents and even attempted a joke i think the problem was this. I cared what people thought of me although this mainly ended up with me withdrawing from social situations due to their awkwardness because i didn't know how to get within the 'circle' as a result i just cowered in the corner looking like the hunchback of notre dame according to Miss Jones. i know that i am not the only one who has been unable to allow others to embrace them for the person that they are, for example i said to Miss Absolom yesterday 'oh dear, you've embraced the madness, you are stuck in the outskirts of the tornado in the eternal revolving excitement of peasant abusing, war fighting, politically perfect, the conservative character who sees surviving till 9PM as an achievement, the lover of life, the flicking of the curls that is the allure of me.' as usual i take it upon myself to represent the masses therefore i declare war against those that won't allow themselves to be the perfect person that they are because they care what people think of them.

the Disney adaptation of the story, the hunchback of notre dame does sort of describe my time at Larkmead, it started off with me only talking and socialising with 3 gargoyles (Mr Meredith, H from Steps, cornflakes) while i would occasionally make a comment to remind people of my exsistance which Quasimodo did through ringing the bells. we both share the struggle to be accepted by society for being the people that we are; he's deformed, kind and isolated while i'm power hungry, eccentric and lonely. although Quasimodo comes good in the end when he kills his guardian Frollo, depending on whether you are part of the 60% that don't like me or the 40% that do you may also say that i came good when i developed a personality during the easter holidays when i was in year 9. since then there has been no stopping me some say i transformed into a monster, others a human being. do i care? NO why should i, i am the way i am because being myself is my greatest talent a talent everyone has: the ability to be themselves to possess a character because like Brian said 'we are all individuals' so there is no point in holding back the years trying to be something your not, dwelling on the fear you've had for so long of what people will think of you for being yourself. when somebody hears and compliments you on being you the fear will disappear like a mcdonalds in front of an american (tribute to my readers accross the pond). for holding back the years will not give you the chance to escape from all you know about what people perceived you to be. don't hold back the tears where your heart on your sleeve for your personality has never been able to grow with that stiff upper lip of yours. you have spent so long worrying about what people think of your forged personality that you have not allowed anything to be good. because how can it if no one knows who you really are; you become unpredictable as you follow no morals and people will be rather two faced about you which shouldn't matter if you don't care what people think of you. so lets throw of the mask, throw your hat into the crowd, let your hair down be the person you are enjoy yourself, express the person within, you have an opinion say it. have an emotion show it, don't shed tears shed laughter. don't be afraid of what one person thinks, in your lifetime you'll meet hundreds of people each of them will have a different opinion of you. i say to you all today be yourself, let people embrace your personality or nothing is all you will have to say.