'mother do you think she's good enough, for me?' asked Pink Floyd, JPJ Sanders replied with 'my mother would say no, however i believe your punching above your weight'

people often ask me about love and why i seem disgusted by it or the idea of rumpy bumpy my answer is always the same. i have 4 wives all orange with pink bits in the middle, all rather curvy when striding along the green carpet, shining in all their glory next to their smaller friend 'Jack' gently carressing him to tempt the other jealous males to allow their wives to have a go at seducing them taking them away from their perfect perch. sometimes they are abused by the wives of my peers leaving them battered and bruised in the ditch, miraculously climbing their way onto the bank where they return to my possession where i sooth their pain with ointment giving them a bit of a rub and a tickle with a towel before the torture begins again. that's the reason i have 4 wives so if one decides they can't take it and cracks i'll have another 3 to satisfy my needs. i've always struggled with the concept of love and intimacy which is why i use euphemisms to describe subjects that i find awkward to talk about this isn't helped by people constantly telling me 'lets face it you and rumpy bumpy it's never going to happen is it' was a recent one from Dr Robertson that quite a few people found amusing. i do often wonder what will happen to me romantically will there be a person that meets the criteria? will there be a Mrs JPJ Sanders? will we be mixed pairs partners and win the world indoor mixed pairs? these are all questions that may have to be answered with thought and saying 'i'll give it my best shot' won't be good enough. being the unique marvelous male that i am and seeing the world differently i have come to the conclusion that some us marvelous males are more like mischievous monkeys who when punching above our weight in terms of quality of female companion abuse their lapse of judgement and take advantage by not treating the fabulous female that they are as they would deserve, therefore as i am not involved in the united nations i declare war against those among us who need an education in how to satisfy a wonderful womans romantic requirements.

i think the problem males have is, is that we have an appendage between our lower body and our upper body called the didgeridoo which below it has two round squash ball things that produce testosterone which over rides the messages sent along our spinal cord to our brain and back it's people that are inept, incapable, mickey taking, monkey mimicking, romance neglecting, bottom pinching, run down the street naked holding the hand of their male best friend, idiotic, intoxicated, create a image of themselves familiar to a koala that has fallen out of its tree due to a car crashing into it and worst of all ungrateful of the opportunity they have been given to cherish a beautiful being that is nearly as great as me. these people need to stop thinking with their didgeridoos and start asking their mothers how they should be treating their gorgeous companions. ask them mother do you think they'll drop the bomb of actually enjoying your company. Mother do you think they'll like the songs that i've wrote about her inner beauty and talent? mother do you think they'll break my testicles if i do something stupid involving a woeful woman? which the answer to that will of course be yes in fact that's normally what i recommend my angels to do to the mischievous monkeys that destroy faith put in them. Mother should i build a wall? my advice would be a shrine but housing the girl of your dreams is a good idea. Mother should i run for president? not sure how that helps with romance but don't american politics is corrupt and discriminatory against athiests. Mother should i trust the government? of course it's a conservative government with the liberal democrats helping the house staff of Downing street the government is running rather efficiently. Mother will they put me in the firing mine? only if you break their heart will a female resort to that sort of punishment even if that is what you deserve. but hush now ruffian stop crying and start working, not putting into practice the advice of your mother will result in her making all your nightmares come true and putting all their fears into you. she'll keep you under her wing once every girl in the neighbourhood has realised what a monstrosity to humanity you are therefore the risk of another human being having the genetic information possessed in your sperm is too great. she won't let you fly away for the fear of you being mightily murdered by a foreign woman but she might take you out and let you sing a the karoake night at her bingo. mothers promise when you are born to check your girlfriends for you, especially anyone dirty through the doorway, she'll wait up till you get back from her house because mothers have had to endure the pain from mischievous monkeys before meeting our fantastic fathers who promised your grandmothers to keep them healthy and clean make sure your standard is living is high and that your fathers standards were high enough to allow your father to love your mother. so perhaps you should do the same ask advice from your parents ask yourself is she good enough for me? if the answer is too good then you tie a knot around your didgeridoo to stop it working causing you to appear a better human being, treating women as they deserve to be treated you are their prince that gives her the castle, she is the princess that promises to love and adore to death till you part or when you decide to ruin it by unwrapping the knot around your didgeridoo like the typical ruffian of a broken Britain. however give it your best shot and success and achievement will follow. it starts now and hopefully never finishes.