today the gorgeous government (well the terrific Tory part of it) announced awesomely today that the unemployed orangutans who woefully don't dare to try awesome alliteration where wonderfully perfectly possible has horrendously peacefully passed the terrible ferocious figure of one million 16 to 24 year olds unemployed. extremely harshly in my opinion pointed their fingers in the direction of the coalition government (i had to get political at some point and i have lasted over 2 weeks which is more willpower than a boy sitting at a computer with internet and a box of tissues adjacent to them and a house to themselves) which currently consists of the parties that have as much in common as me and any teenage girl that doesen't involve me putting on a tight bib that matches my tight shorts and playing netball with them. the problem is is that all this unemployment wasn't caused during my early life it happened during Tony Blair and Gordan Browns reign of the democratic united kingdoms of England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland (won't be part of my United Kingdom). the damage that labour has done is irreversible which has had a knock on effect on the young people of today. as we emerged from the glorious 80's into the nineties things could not be getting better A-ha still at their height, men at work blessing the world with their australian rock, rolf harris crying on tv, Roald Dahl writing books not knowing that soon he would have a certain JPJ Sanders running around in his back garden with and sometimes without clothes on, petrol for under a pound, affordable insurance, housing market booming and most importantly of all conservatives in power! altough once 1997 came around it had all changed i was now running around the bowls greens of Worthing with clothes on, labour were now in charge, A-ha were on the decline and men of work had resorted to touring Brazil. with labour in charge everything went wrong till we come to today when labour have made over a million of the youth of today unemployed. even though i hate the colour red with all my heart which is the colour of labour and that place in Wiltshire we do not speak of. i do not blame the labour government for this but today i am declaring a war against the people that are unemployed! they lack motivation and intelligence so this should be one of the easier wars to win which is good because my army would have significant casualties due to the type of wars we have been fighting.
this war will be won through principles as well as a bit of history see during every conservative government there is a war, a few riots, strikes, mines closing and unemployment this is because labour turns you all into (another one of these rants were i go round the globe in 40 insults) a mixture of things because you do not have fear constantly smacking you in the face so you become zombie like creatures, idiotic nike tracksuit wearing numpties that think it appropriate to do a clothed striptease during PDC, reebok trainer wearing layabouts, Jeremy Kyle watching women beaters, rap music admirers, A-ha abusers, soccer playing baffoons, rumpy bumpy internet virus spreaders (which i haven't recieved), essex supporting bewildered soles, brainwashed body lacking a brain to brainwash, unmotivated, lacking work ethic, unemployable. no ambition, from a place where you are stereotyped negatively, lack famous relatives (i have winnie the pooh and my grandad Colonel Sanders which is a shame that i'm vegetarian), lack qualifications, absentminded, unpresentable, immature, a ruffian that ruins everything, gypse blood down the line, war game xbox players, addicted playing solos on the didgeridooers, female bottom pinchers and gropers, spends there money on alcohol and other addictive substances, deluded lusters, mirror breaking, smashed with an ugly stick, incorrect dialect, not an oxford united or leicester tigers supporter, aggressive, bemused and worst of all cannot speak the queens english. all these things combined leads to people being unemployed the world is not like a box of chocolates it's like an empty box of chocolates because you know at some point you are going to have replace that empty box or it will remain empty and useless. there will be times when you have to get a job, when you are going to have to seek the help of the glorious government because they are always right which is why i will run it because i am also right (but not arrogant, i'm reformed). there is only one way to get these people working and that's to go back in time like docter who but only i understand it and i can stand to watch more than 5 minutes before deciding it's too fictional and the storyline is unacceptable for my high standards of entertainment, this war will be won through verbal bullying and dangling carrots or in the case of some people a jelly mould of a girls bottom or bazoombas or fake tan and a padded bazoomba holder.
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| my famous relative mr Sanders |
back in the 1930's there was the great depression that lead to world war 2. during this depression people like George and Lennie from of mice and men gathered their possessions together and searched for work anywhere they could they could not afford to be fusy you got your head down and got on with it. this attitude would be greatly recieved as you make your own luck in the world i know i do (you beat 270 people for a week of groping cars at the most successful formula 1 team through effort, determination as well as skill not luck) if you cannot find a job you make your own you think of what the world hasn't got and how it could be improved as a whole rather than selfishly moaning about how the government cuts got you fired becuase of the lack of effort you put in at school and in your career making you first out of the door as soon as the oppurtunity arose. theres always more than 2 ways of looking at a situation in addition to sticking to your morals knowing what you want and finding a way to achieve it. your career could last up to and beyond 50 years that's plenty of time to work your way up from a till bleeper to a department runner if you carry the right attitude and do it in a positive way because negativity gets you fired. as a result you pull your sleeves up (or turn the cuffs over once so it looks like you have in my case) get mucked in look back in time absorb inspiration like you do the latest gossip and the bazoomba holder size of Jessica Jane Clements from i'm a celebrity and the real hustle. buck your ideas, pull your black socks up if its a weekday and your white ones if it's the weekend and defy the stereotype of todays youth and be like Dr Heckyll and Mr Jive work late at the labratory cleaning the floors, go off to work in the name of science, who knows you may have songs sung about the story of i don't know Danny Costello and Molly Absolom perhaps.
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