'cheer up Brian, you know what they say' sang Monty, JPJ Sanders replied with 'what do they say Monty, i think that man sighing on the sofa wants to know'

when i was a young adolescent i was never content with life and was described by the future mother of my godchildren Miss Jones as a 'hunchback in notre damm impersonator, who just cowered in the corner jumping every time the bell went off' well the last thing still happens regularly (twice today) but the others are a thing of the past unless a someone of the teaching profession rudely states that i am not as good as i think i am. i still get the occassional bout of misery depending on how tired or stressed i am, although now that i am a young adult i have discovered solutions to my misery: 1. offend the nearest person because they are in the wrong place at the wrong time 2. do one of my rants threatening to strike like a public sector worker 3. do an impression of someone that has caused my miserable sorry state 4. make a generalisation about society that offends everybody 5. go and play netball 6. talk to my angels (not many men can say they have those) 7. shout political piffle at a ruffian 8. gossip about everyone that is anyone which in my opinion is everyone 9. write a poem about my marvellous muscular physique 10. declare war against something that causes me misery, so the world (U.K, U.S, Russia, Ireland, Germany) know how i feel about it. these solutions work as those of you that attend the loving larkmead community will know as especially if you are a berinsfield bender as you bare the brunt of my misery. the Sanders family do in fact have another reputation other than abandoning children which is of being able to see the negative of everything as well as dwell on it for the next week or so, for example i was victorious yesterday my jubilant jacks won their third game of the season against the wantage wanderers in the Thursday evening bowls league putting us third in the table, you would have thought that i would be quite pleased about that but i'm not because although my team mates bowled well i was not up to my exemplury standards therefore i believed it to be a wasted evening. christmas is another thing i am scrooge times 10. i have never had an advent calendar, i give free ikea pencils as presents if their lucky and i don't open my pittiful presents till the 27th December. but christmas is a subject i will cover in the next 3 weeks. the rest of the year though i am my typical ompnipotent self, creatively complimenting (innovatively insulting) people who cross my path. however the thing i can't comprehend is the way that some people can never see the positive of anything 'why can't anything be simple' 'no matter what we try and do there's always something that buggers it up' '*sigh* for god sake what is it now' are a few of the phases i hear repeatedly during my daily battle for survival. as a result of their failure to picture positivity i JPJ Sanders declare a war against misery in addition to those that seem to suffer the effects permanently. the thing i find most upsetting about people who suffer the permanent stress side effect of misery is that they become very predictable once you learn their mannerisms. 'how was your day?' 'pretty crap to be truthful' 'how was the traffic?' 'the same as always a bloody nightmare' 'toad in the hole for tea tonight' 'okay, hope it's warm this time' 'what do you want to watch?' 'anything that's not that reality rubbish on itv 2' 'are you coming up to bed?' 'you know me anything to get the day over with quicker' this pedantic predictible personality does make it very hard. if it was not for my change in ways i would be lonely, self concious, shy, quiet, depressed, self loathing, blue, unmotivated, insociable, predictable, baggy short wearing, tight t-shirt wearing, be one of those at the end of the day i get satisfaction from knowing that i'm a day closer to death, wear school uniform that fits, do my top button up, wear the losers larkmead tie and not have a picture of power on the sports hall wall of fame, people hating, black jeans wearing, lay in bed waiting for a purpose to get out, social networking site abusing sort of person instead i am a slightly sociable, couldn't give a damn about what anyone else thinks of me, not afraid of confrontation especially if i know i'm right (which is all the time), noisy, jovial, self loving, yellow, motivated, slightly sociable just to reiterate the point that i'm now reformed (cycled to and from school with 3 different people Miss E Wheatcroft, Master Harris and Mr Palmer who's dad looks like Rolf Harris), unpredicatable, tight short wearing, even tighter t shirt wearing, one of those who looks forward to the challenges the next day brings, wear school uniform 2 sizes too small in order to set a fashion trend that quite hasen't taken off yet but is bound too in due season, do all buttons up apart from the top one, wear the super sports tie and have a picture of power on the sports hall wall of fame, still people hating but not all of them, multicoloured jean wearing, spring out of bed looking for the next challenge (usually trying to get my trousers on as Mr Roebuck knows all to well the difficulties i have), social networking site approving sort of person. it is much easier to embrace a positive, motivated, unpredictable person like myself (unless your aspergic in which case its easier the other way round) than a negative, unmotivated, predictable person like Mr Andrews who will help me sort out the oil problems this country faces although i'm already doing that through being a russian celebrity (good morning St. Petersburg). so troops lets put a smile on these peoples faces as there's something they've forgotten and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing, so when they are feeling in the dumps i believe they are behaving as quite silly chumps. the benefits of winning the war on misery is that it will help the whole world, people will be nicer to each other, want to spend time with one another, like one lover to another ahaa, people will be able to rely on each other and i can't remember anymore of the words. the solution is clear we need to give them something to smile about like an ice bun after a stressful Monday, a slice of tiger bread to commence the weekend, a quiche to celebrate the beginning of a new week and the ending of another, a lady in the jungle with large bazoombas and an australian accent if your H the estate agent or Mr Meredith who's parents spelt his first name wrong, realising their mistake blamed it on being scottish, the handsome hunk who abbreviates their forename to 3 letters who writes a blog to solve the problems faced by todays population. as you can see in order to win the war on misery and those that suffer from the side effect of stress and tiredness we all need to pick a person learn their routines and change it (not if their aspergic or autistic that only makes it worse) by surprising them with things they wouldn't expect: analyse their reaction to it, if positive do it again, if negative nature will eventually take its course till they become the afterlifes problem. there are many things that attempt to collate a summary of life and how people live in a serious way however these fail because they take it seriously. the key to learning about life is to watch humourous films from previous generations like the carry on films or the one that really understands how life works which is of course the terrific longelified 'Life of Brian' i feel that the film is something we can all associate with because it does inform us of how to live our lives as well as appealing to people who have too much time on their hands (i'm about to lose all my American readers) religious people. you see troops some things in life are bad (war, ruffians, Berinsfield, South Abingdon, rumpy bumpy, Essex, adverts on the television, someone taking your space in the bikeshed, animals) and these things can make us mad, while other things (female cackles, football, Labour, Liberal Democrats, public sector strikes, female bottom pinching gropers, modern music performers, fashion, gypse bowls club invaders, pykies) just make you swear on curse. for life is rather quite absurd and death's the final word if your human unlike me, you must always face the curtain with a bow after performing a peice of poetry perfection and winning a mug in the talent contest. i mean life really is at times awful when you look at it but being miserable is not the way to overcome it, for isn't life a laugh and death a joke it's true i said the other day Mr Downes should take up drowning for a sport, you'll see as you mature that life is a show, so you must keep them laughing as you go, remembering that people will reminise the fact that the last laugh was on you and as a result there is no point being miserable therefore you should always look on the bright side of life.