'when i was 17 my head was full of brilliant dreams' sang OMD, JPJ Sanders replied with 'when i was 16 my dreams were filled with nightmares full of people from essex being on tv'

the time was 11.27 PM, i had concluded the day in my usual routine. trousers off, go into the bland bathroom (my brother and grandfather who are colour blind chose the colours) admire my awesome aesthetic beauty turn towards the sink, pick up the green toothbrush with JPJ engraved on it (don't want you knowing my first name now do we)put the colgate toothpaste onto the bristles, start the toothpaste commencing the 2 minutes of minty marvel that provide the perfect ending to a intensely filled day, rinsing the cup out 3 times i fill the cup 3/5 full fill my mouth with the woeful water and spit the contents of my mouth out into the sink as powerfully as possible which annoys the members of the Sanders/Hobbs household greatly, now i go to the toilet, take my abdominal cover off (a shirt to the rest of you) revealing the marvellous muscles i possess, tense left bicep, tense right bicep, tense both at same time, tensing the stomach i run my hand over my abdominals 1,2,3,4 damn to short of the 6 pack. that concludes the day all that is left to do is climb into the bemusing bed and wait for my old neighbours creation the BFG (Big Friendly Giant) to blow a dizzying dream through a trumpet into my ear. only last night that didn't happen, while i was sleeping the BFG did a very bad thing and blew the wrong dream into my ear, it was terrible all these celebrities went into the jungle and i only knew 4 of them. one of them was a character from Benidorm, one of them was a radio star from the 80's, one plays a homosexual in coronation street, one of them was a short jockey from Scotland. the other 8 i didn't know which made it all the more terrifying. one had a annoying high voice who kept tapping her collarbone, one had a name that reminded me of sandwiches who i thought was a man, one was a muscular person from that terrible county Essex, one was a former model that i roughly recognised from a program that teaches pykies how to be better pykies, one was a actor from Londonium, one was a actor from awesome America (got to appeal to my global audience), one was a DJ that i knew from my time inhabited in Australia, and another who supposedly ate a hamster, the last one was one that played bass guitar for a band who needed a haircut. i joined these celebrities to tell them where they were going wrong as well as acting as a source of inspiration due to my infamous blogging which had led to me ruling the world, after about an hour i'd had enough of those annoyances and pleaded to go home but they wouldn't let me slowly but surely the others went away till it was me, the muscular man from Essex and the Bass player who needs a haircut from Essex. it was torture all they talked about was bazoombas! it was enough to turn me to Brighton it really was. this has left me scared to go to bed, so because of this mental scarring i declare war against nightmares! since i was a young whipper snapper who's house backed onto the creater of dreams Roald Dahl i have suffered from nightmares in dreams in addition to reality and i hate them there was: yesterdays dream which i've just explained, the one where i had a heart attack, one where i was murdered by a socialist, the one where i was beaten to student voice by miss Shipway and Mr Greenwood, the one where my associate got trapped in a cement mixer, the one where my mother sprayed bleach in my eye, the one where Darth Vader took over the empire, when Gordan Brown became prime minister, the one with Casper the Ghost and the Adams family in, the one where that stupid place in Wiltshire defeated my youthful yellows, the time i lost at lawnbowls after needing only another point to win, the time Lance Armstrong got caught for blood doping, the time i was undressed at a party, the time i had to be carried from the cricket field by 8 players (all the players that weren't having a cricket ball bowled at them) after pulling my groin and the worst one of all the time where i ended up as the pope. during my 16 years i have had times where some of those nightmares have affected me so badly i have endured times were i didn't go to bed for 5 days after my father told me that if you die in your dreams you die in real life, well if i didn't go to sleep i couldn't die however the lack of sleep nearly killed me anyway; it's alright though as punishment my father couldn't go to the public house for friday happy hour. i have problems with sleeping anyway i rarely get more than 6 hours sleep which isn't really enough for someone of my stature, also apparently i'm a bit weird in the way that i sleep with clothes on (i presume that is normal protocol in Russia) while Miss Jones, Mr Harris and Mr Greenwood do not (probably shouldn't have wrote that but you don't get called a Sanders for nothing you have to cock everything else up first), i also sleep in a South Easterly direction which is not normal according to miss E Wheatcroft. see the problem with this war is that a solution has not been created so that's the first step, although they didn't call it the space race in the 60's for nothing. so troops lets get inventing! to win a war you need to have resources, something the germans tried to exploit through the nazi-soviet pact. to survive in Africa you need to subsidise, to survive in Australia you need to be opinionated now you see why i imigrated there. to do anything you need to have a plan made up of smaller plans which are made up of collecting resources (picking up godchildren from nursery, grooming them into soldiers, sending them to steal oil from Saudia Arabia, Send them into war, give them a medal as reward when i take over the world succeeding where pinkie and the Brain failed) the key to this war is finding a resource that stops nightmares. so far the closest i've got is death but in my case thats not a 100% chance of avoiding them in case i am found to be wrong and there is a place called hell worst than essex or more north than Cheshire. one day this resource will be invented, the battle shall begin and we will be given the oppurtunity to become like OMD in a years time and have a head full of brilliant dreams but until that point this war is much like the nuclear one that Korea is supposedly about to start. however when it is invented this war will be won, people will sleep better increasing work ethic as well as helping make society better, together we can achieve the factor that prompts a days success which is of course a good nights sleep.